October: A Reflection on Men, Masculinity, and Domestic Violence

October is held in observation of domestic violence. This topic is often riddled with statistics, buzzwords, and stories that paint a picture that is valid—though it is not the picture I wish to discuss today.I wish to visit the space where the idea of being a man meets this topic.

Being a man is often defined as being a protector and provider—the one who puts food on the table and fights off the intruder at 2 a.m. to protect the family. This sentiment of “provide and protect” is one-dimensional, dead-ended, and ultimately harmful when an individual insists that this is the only role he plays.

Rethinking Provide

What does provide truly mean? It’s often assumed that the man works while the woman sacrifices her career to raise children. This becomes one-dimensional when it’s never discussed in relationships or when there’s no room to revisit the topic.

To provide as a father means so much more. It means providing experiences, opportunities, and presence. When the idea of providing expands beyond money, both partners gain freedom—not being forced into fixed roles, but encouraged to pursue their potential.

Providing should never become a cross to bear, where he measures his worth by his paycheck and she measures hers by invisible sacrifices he never sees.

Redefining Protection

Protection is often seen only in the physical sense. But when protection is limited to the physical, many fathers miss opportunities to protect—or worse, they become the source of harm.

Protection exists in the emotional, and this is the part we often overlook. The truth is uncomfortable: a father is statistically more dangerous to his family than any home intruder—fifty times more likely to cause harm, in fact.

Protection of the family isn’t just for the things that go bump in the night; it’s about being emotionally aware, creating safety in words, actions, and presence. It’s about protecting your loved ones from isolation, fear, and self-doubt.

A Call to Men

There is no finite amount of success in the universe, and comparison rarely yields growth. As women rise, we are again faced with the question: What does it mean to be a man?

It is time to uplift ourselves by taking accountability for how we’ve limited our own definition. She can provide for herself now. Masculinity today means adding to her life in multiple ways—not just one.

She may not need a protector in the physical sense. Be kind. Be emotionally aware. Protect her peace and your family’s emotional wellbeing.

The Numbers and the Responsibility

Domestic violence has touched far too many lives.In Nebraska alone, 81.5% of women and 66.7% of men experience some form of domestic violence.

I write this as a call to men—not to defend our image, but to reflect. Violence against women is not a them problem; it’s a we problem. We raise our daughters to defend themselves. It’s time we raise our sons to redefine themselves—to be men who protect not through fear or force, but through empathy, communication, and care.